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[On the bridge. Tom and Mike are relaxing after the tract.]

Tom: Mike, I'm confused.

Mike: Yeah, twisted logic does that to everyone. What can I help you with?

crow witches out

Tom: Well, it starts in a well-lit room with some kids playing a good-natured game, then we switch to witches who do little worse than hang out and wear bathrobes, and we end with Tom Skerritt in a loose adaption of The Crucible. So my question is: What was I supposed to learn?

[Crow enters. He is wearing a black, pointed hat.]

Crow: I don't know about you, but Chick taught me that witches rock! They get to fight zombies, wear cool clothes, hang out with Ms. Frost, and engage in mind bondage.

Mike: Witches aren't really like that at all. Neither are D&D players, for that matter.

Tom: So we should be like Tom Skerritt, become born again, and burn things!

Mike: No, Tom. Most Christians aren't really like that either. Neither is Tom Skerritt.

Crow: [Knocks off his hat.] Well, now I'm confused. What are we supposed to believe in?

Mike: Well, that most people believe in worshipping the being that gave them life. Also, to treat people who believe in something else with dignity and respect.

Tom: But Mike, you give us life. Well, you and the power grid on Deck 11.

heavy-handed moralizing

Mike: Worship me, then!

[Lights flash, indicating an incoming call. Pearl, Bobo, and the Observer appear on the viewscreen. Pearl, still in the PVC suit, has both Bobo and the Observer in chains.]

Mike: Oh look. It's Jason and the Argonuts.

Pearl: Well, Nelson, you've managed to survive another experiment. When I finish with these two, though, I'll be back with more. I'm sure I have a copy of Watchtower around here somewhere.

[Theme music begins. Fade to black.]

 
Original Concept Web Warlock
Additional Dialogue Michael S. Webster
Site Design P.D. Magnus
Webhosting Fecundity.com
Misinformation John Todd
Best Boy Jay Chandler
Shopping List Eggs
Cheese
Frozen Burritos
Soda
Pretzels
Related Links Mystery Science Theater 3000
Chick Publications
[AD: uncrushable laser monkeys]