[The bridge of the Satellite of Love. The Love Theme plays. The robots are gathered around a table which is covered with papers, books, and dice. They are wearing black capes.]
Crow: Botch!
[The doors open and Mike Nelson walks in. The robots take no notice of him.]
Mike: Hi! I'm Mike Nelson. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. These are my robots: Gypsy, Tom Servo, and Crow T. Robot.
Hi, guys!
[The robots ignore him.]
Mike: Hey guys. What are you doing?
Tom: Oh! We're playing a fascinating game called Vampire: The MasqueradeTM. We pretend to be vampires, Gypsy makes up situations, and we have to say how our vampire would react to them. I'm Lord Byron de Lestatula, a fourth-generation kindred of the Clan Toreador. My sire was Kimbos the Old, and I have the powers of preternatural Celerity, Bull Fighting, and Walking in Beauty Like the Night.
Mike: Wow! That's pretty impressive. How about you, Crow?
Crow: My name is Jerry, Mike.
Mike: [Confused] Just Jerry?
Crow: Yup. That's me. Jerry the Vampire.
Mike: Okay. So, How did you become a vampire... um... Jerry?
Crow: Well, I just woke up one day and said, "I'm a Vampire!"
Mike: So what are Jerry and Lord Byron doing now?
Tom: Right now, Lord Byron de Lestatula and Jerry are investigating a lost castle that may contain a clue as to the whereabouts of a scrap of paper once touched by an Antedeluvian!
Mike: That sounds cool. So this is like Dungeons&Dragons?
[Tom and Crow turn to glare at Mike.]
Tom: Yeah. Right, Mike.
Crow: What do we look like to you? A bunch of snot-nosed little geeks? Sheesh!
Mike: Ah... well... I...
[Lights flash, indicating an incoming call.]
Mike: Oh, look! It's Bilbo and the dwarves calling.
[Bobo appears on screen.]
Bobo: Hello, Nelson!
Mike: Where's Mrs. F?
Bobo: The Lawgiver is not here right now. She's punishing the brain guy.
Mike: What did he do?
Bobo: He returned this week's experiment to Blockbuster, mistaking it for Eight Minute Abs. Ho ho! That will cost the Lawgiver a pretty penny in late fees.
Crow: No movie this week, guys!
Mike and robots: Yeah!!!
[Pearl Forrester walks up behind Bobo, clad in a PVC, dominatrix dress. She is leading the Observer by a rope around his neck. Bobo yelps in surprise as she pushes him off screen.]
Pearl: Not so fast, Nelson the Barbarian. Thanks to Brains of Tapioca here, I don't have a movie to torture you with.
[She yanks on the rope, causing the Observer to fall down out of view.]
Tom: And there was much rejoicing.
Mike and robots: Yeah!!!
Pearl: Don't think I'll let you off that easily. I do have a piece of early 80's dribble from that paragon of paranoia, Jack T. Chick. Think impressionable young minds. Think global satanic conspiracy. Think of pain as I give you...
[The movie sign lights up, and sirens sound.]
Mike: Movie sign!
Tom: Tract Sign!
Crow: Track Lighting?
[Everyone runs around, heading in the direction of the theater.]
